Embracing Truth

“We only see what we are willing to confront,” I stumbled upon this quote some time ago. I’m not sure where it is from, but I have come to see the powerful truth in those words- particularly as a therapist. There are many terms in psychology that refer in way or another to things we choose not to see- denial, repression, unconscious, implicit memory, etc…. But the truth is that our brains are very adept at hiding things from our attention and perception which we are unwilling or unable to deal with. Many times as a therapist I’m tasked with distinguishing between what a person is able to confront and what they aren’t ready for?

Dr. Michael Ruth writes about this in his book “Shadow Work.” He attempted to integrate spirituality and Jungian psychology. Jung coined a term, “archetypes,” which are aspects of our being or personality. One such archetype is called the Shadow. It is the darker aspects of who we are. There is no use denying it, because we all have a darker side and will until we die. Dr. Ruth writes about some of the problems that occur in church as a result of an unwillingness to acknowledge that side. I’ve experienced this first hand both within the church and with the clients I have seen. I remember a group of friends talking about someone whose church attendance was “spotty.” They talked about how that person would “miss out on the blessings of God.” But rather than compassion or sadness, they sounded angry. If they really thought that our friend was missing out on something why were they angry instead of sad? I would submit that they were jealous of that person’s freedom and unable to acknowledge that in themselves, so it turned to unconscious jealousy and anger. Years of counseling has born this out to be true, when we ignore our shadow side it often comes out in judgment or leaks out in other unhealthy ways. 

We need to have the courage to face our darker selves and approach ourselves with grace and love. We have judgments and jealousies, but the only real danger is not being able to acknowledge them.